Two years ago, my life felt like it was crumbling all around me. I had experienced two major life-crises within a year of each other and now another one hit me. No, it didn’t just hit me. It bulldozed me.
I woke up on this morning and wondered aloud, “what do I even do now?” Have you been there? Where life is so overwhelming that you don’t even know how to put a plan together to make it just a single day.
From my time in therapy I remembered that being physically active is important to mental and emotional health. As both my mental and emotional health were in serious jeopardy I decided it’d be best to go for a walk in a park. It was a Monday morning so I was thankful that none of the parks would be too crowded at 1:38PM. I drove over to Radnor Lake in Nashville—its a beautiful park in the middle of such an urban city. But when I arrived it was PACKED and having no clue what was going on, I asked the Park Ranger why it was so busy. He said, “Its a holiday today, President’s Day.”
“Greeeeeeeaaaat,” I mumbled to myself as I finally found an inconvenient parking space. I just wanted a space where I could walk and think and have a serious breakdown without anyone seeing me. “You can’t even give me THAT, God?” I asked as I looked up to the sky. I pulled on my sunglasses, grabbed my iPod and began walking on the trails, trying to sort out everything that had happened in the past three months.
In that moment, God’s timing did NOT feel perfect to me. Injustice upon injustice had occurred and it felt like I was receiving the blunt end of a battering ram from almost everyone around me. All of the things I knew to be true about God didn’t feel comforting, nor bring me peace because my circumstances seemed to reveal the exact opposite of what I knew. Where was God my protector when I was being beat down? Where was God my defender when lies were being thrown like confetti? Where was the God of perfect timing with His impeccable ability to “open doors” for me? Two years later, I can tell you He was with me. His timing didn’t feel perfect in that moment because it hadn’t been my plan. (When is it ever YOUR plan for your world to flip upside down?).
Two years later I can tell you that I’m so glad He changed my circumstances, my environment, my world. I read a quotation several months ago that said, “You can’t heal in the same environment that made you sick.” Before I was even aware that my environment had made me sick, God being God, removed me from the source of infection. Hindsight being 20/20, I can see now what He was doing and I am so thankful. (Full Disclosure: I might have ugly cried last night while thanking Him for pulling me out of a situation I didn’t even realize I was stuck in!).
My friends, do you feel like God’s timing isn’t so perfect right now? Have your circumstances changed? Has your world been flipped upside down? I can guarantee you that though it doesn’t feel like you’ll make it, you’re wondering how you’ll survive if ___________________ happens, even taking a day at a time seems like too much, God’s timing will bring about His absolute best for you. Like a mountain climber that climbs to what she thinks is the summit, only to find another peak in front of her, your perspective isn’t always going to be clear in the midst of challenging times. Keep going. Keep moving forward. Keep leaning into the God that sees and knows all things—including you and what you need to be able to glorify Him.